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Friends with Bedbugs

Posted: November 4th, 2010 | Author: | | Tags: , | 2 Comments »

Not exactly the benefits you were looking for, eh?

Here at nix bedbugs, we are on everyone’s side- those who have bedbugs, and those who do not and wish to keep it that way.  As long as you have fewer than six legs, we are here for you.  Therefore, we do not condone the shunning of the less fortunate (humans!) but we do not recommend you loll on their furniture, all emitting CO2 like a mad thing.  Here is a list of do’s and dont’s for when the unmentionable should occur in your friend circle:


1. Offer your support.  Help the afflicted pass the many hours they will spend at the laundromat.  Take them out to dinner, accept their sobbing midnight phone calls. 

2.  Meet in neutral locations often.  You know, like normal friends.

3.  Take up a bedbug benefit collection among your circle if necessary.  This problem is an expensive one.

4. Do a little research and offer sound advice on what to do about their bedbug infestation.  Their plight is worse than whatever you have going on.

5. Check in and see how they are doing.  Don’t let your friend feel isolated just because you don’t want to hang out at their house for a period.  Encourage them to seek help if the stress and anxiety appear to overwhelm.


1.  Shun or avoid your poor friend with bedbugs.  If you think they aren’t doing enough to treat the problem or use caution in not transporting them, share that information.

2. Offer to let them stay at your house.  This may sound heartless, but what is so charitable about spreading the scourge?  Having them sleep over will not get rid of their bedbugs, only proper treatment will.

3. Go to the afflicted person’s apartment until one or two treatments have been completed, and your friend has not been bitten for a few weeks. 

4.  Assume it is your friend’s fault for being a filthy slag.  Not like you, a fine, clean upstanding citizen without bedbugs!  This prejudice is natural, but you must guard against it in order to be a good friend. 

5. Spread gossip about their misfortune.  A person with bedbugs is not required to divulge this fact to every person with whom they come into contact.  Unless, your friend is having insane coat-pile parties and roman orgies, keep your trap shut.

2 Comments on “Friends with Bedbugs”

  1. 1 HBK said at 4:16 pm on November 4th, 2010:

    I can’t believe Ke$ha trained bedbugs to hold her hair like a personal wind machine. That really is genius.

  2. 2 HJM said at 4:27 pm on November 4th, 2010:

    Getting all the little creatures to help out, just like a Disney princess!

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