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Love, Bedbug Style

Posted: October 25th, 2010 | Author: | | Tags: , , | 3 Comments »

We just read this extremely unscientific article on CNN about dating in the age of bedbugs.  You can practically hear the glasses clinking in the background.  Whether watered down by scotch or not, these are definitely interesting issues. 

A person who is combatting a bedbug infestation and has a significant other hopefully has a source of emotional support there.  In times of crisis when your partner is not there for you,  that is understandably destructive to the relationship.  Support can come in many forms- a sympathetic ear, a hug, helping you do mounds of laundry.   Please do not show your love for your partner by showing up at their door with trashbags of your belongings while your home is being treated for bedbugs.  If any of the creeping beasties manage to tag along, this would definitely be oversharing.

For the single people, we consider it a solid recommendation for the good of country that perhaps you want to curtail your wild nights of bringing home drunken sailors until your problem is sorted.  If you are enduring multiple treatments over an extended period of time, of course life can and should go on.  You do not have to divulge the details upon first meeting someone, but you absolutely have to warn someone before letting them into your bedbug hotel.  If you are planning on staying at someone else’s house, make sure the items you are carrying are bedbug free.  Trade your gjant carry all or courier bag for something simple and easy to inspect before you leave the house.  Save an outfit fresh from the dryer to wear on dates.  Inspect your clothes and shoes carefully before you go out and give your jacket and scarf a good shake at your door for good measure. 

You will definitely find yourself needing to tell prospective partners about your woes.  There is such a hysteria over bedbugs at the moment that this seems likely to destroy the tender shoots of a budding romance.  According to the anecdotal evidence in the CNN article, women seemed more likely than men to reject a partner based on bedbugs:

Based on interviews, it appears women have more resistance to meeting a man who might have bedbugs. One woman said “men and women are different. A woman would care if a guy had bedbugs but if a man met a hot girl, he probably wouldn’t care if she had bedbugs.”

A man at the bar confirmed this, admitting “come back to my place” would be his response to an attractive woman with bedbugs.

It is not news to us that men would still have sex with a woman, regardless of bedbugs, if she were attractive.  Men have overlooked cluelessness, economic disparity, disease and the occasional penis for the chance to score with a hot lady, so we don’t see why bedbugs should be any different.  As to whether a female suffering an infestation would be considered “relationship material”, we cannot vouch.  For men or for women making this judgment, we suppose it depends on the individual case of the person deciding, the severity of the problem, and the person being ruled on.  

Not everyone lives in utter horror of the bedbug, but many do, and for these it would be a dealbreaker if bedbugs came up in conversation.  And it is not just the neat freaks and germaphobes- even persons who are rational may succumb to the trepidation of our cultural moment, and might not wish to take any chances.  But hold on!  Are you Brad Pitt or John Hamm?  I bet even your fussiest ladyfriend would make room on her (white, designer) sofa if David Bowie wanted to drop by after staying at the bedbug room at the Waldorf. 

In sum, bedbugs will not stop interesting and attractive people from dating sensitive and rational people.  In fact, they might make it easier for them to find each other.  And for everyone else, life is just a little bit worse. So toughen up!  How long could it possibly be before we have bedbug support groups that you can troll for dates?  In the meantime, Ke$ha still loves you!