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Everybody Hates Bedbugs

Posted: October 22nd, 2010 | Author: | | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Via The Onion, Cockroach King Concerned Over Recent Rise of Bedbugs

His Royal Highness, King Leopold Blattodea IV, undisputed lord and ruler of the cockroaches, expressed dismay and concern Monday that the recent rise in bedbug populations could threaten his sovereignty over the realm of human squalor.

“For centuries, the woodwork and drainpipes of the world have been the unassailed domain of we roaches. Exterminators were powerless to stop us. Humans shrieked at the sight of us. But now this meddlesome bedbug has inspired tenfold the terror.”

How must the termites be feeling? The ear whigs, the camel crickets, the ticks and the fleas. It’s true, everyone is Gaga for bedbugs.

Bedbugs rejoined:

“Your petty machinations are useless,” read the message scrawled in human blood. “Soon our numbers will grow so vast that mankind will be too terrified to step into a movie theater, sit on a friend’s sofa, or check out books from the library. Forget not, we can survive without food for up to 18 months! Surrender now and return to the tropical, woody areas that birthed you. The future of the cities is now, my friends. We¬†are the future.”

We are left with lingering questions. What DOES Lady Gaga think of bedbugs? We know Ke$ha was finally appointed their official spokesperson. So there’s that.